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Monday, May 20, 2013

Struggles

I don't even know where to start, because right now I am thinking about 1,000 other things instead of today's prompt : Day 20, Monday: Get real. Share something you're struggling with right now. And today is the perfect day to blog about what I am struggling right now.

As you may notice I missed yesterdays prompt. I had it in mind, but I was having a rough day and my mind was all over the place. I literally did not get up from bed yesterday. But here it goes , Day 19: 5 of my favorite blogs and what I love about them :



These are my top 5 favorite blogs. They are actually the first blogs I started reading and these are the blogs I keep up with the most. These wonderful ladies inspire me so much.

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I blogged about my hyperthyroidism 2 days ago. And today I'm going to be blogging about my chronic condition of Hypothyroidism. Which is my DAILY STRUGGLE. My thyroid became "hypo" about 4 years ago after I went under radiation treatment to burn out my thyroid gland. If you would like to learn more about Hypothyroidism click here . I recently started taking Levothyroxine which is suppose to level out my hormone levels. I've been on it for the past 5 weeks and I have to say this medication has been my BIGGEST STRUGGLE EVER ! After 2 years without medication (because of my stupid health insurance) my body is still trying to figure out this crap. Its hard to explain what I am going through and what I feel to anyone who asks. I honestly feel worst then ever. I've tried to explain this to my doctor but all she says its normal. NO IT'S NOT NORMAL TO FEEL THE WAY I FEEL !  I'm struggling with severe mood changes, hair loss, small hives, muscle weakness, low energy, quivering, and anxiety. I have to deal with this everyday, not knowing which side effect want to take charge of the day. I feel like no one really understands my conditions. The sad thing is I have to drink these pills for the rest of my life and I have a high risk of infertility. I've been drinking pills since I was 7 years old and I swear to god, I AM TIRED OF IT !

Another thing I have been struggling with is my trauma. Last November (2012) a man tried to sexually assault me and rob me (I don't want to get into much details about that) After that experience I have been terrified of walking near men, or even being near men. I always feel like who ever looks and stares at me is trying to hurt me. I know its a bad thing because not everyone is the same, but I just cant help it. Every time I look back and I see a man walking behind me for more than 2 blocks i start to panic.

Today on my way to the doctor, I was almost near the last stop of the bus and I notice I was the only girl on the bus and there was 6 men on there too. I immediately got in a shock mode and started to panic. My stop was the next stop, but it felt like forever and a day to get there. So many things were going through my head and I rushed to the back door and prayed it opened quickly. I have been considering trying to find some help, even though it was offered to me in the beginning and I felt like I could of dealt with it on my own, but I was wrong. This is something that I struggle with everyday and I need help soon.



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