Hello September ! 

In just a few more weeks we will be in my favorite season, FALL ! I am so over summer, especially this summer. My summer sucked, and I glad school is back in session. For this month I haven't set any goals yet, I am just focusing on being happy during my pregnancy because I have been going through a rough time during this past month. I've also been overly emotional to the point where I feel like exploding because no one understands my hormonal conditions. 

I quit my job this weekend, I wasn't felling comfortable there anymore. I felt like they started taking advantage of my hard work, and as the weeks passed I was getting more disappointed. right now I am focusing more on this school semester, I know I need a job to start saving up for when the baby is here, I am trying to figure out how I am going to juggle work, school and being a mom. I never knew it would be hard. I know I can make it happen one way or the other.  

My main focus this month is being positive ! I am going to be reading a lot more and meditating. I feel like I have had a lot of stress and that is not good for my baby. I am still trying to get adjusted to the criticism my family has. Most of my friends don't know anything yet, I am not ready to go public about it because I have been on the down side about my family not supporting me.  

I pray and hope this month goes well for me. I will try to make the best out of it ! 

RECAP ! I am BACK

I am BACK !

Wow, I have totally abandoned my blog. ITS SAD ! I totally have forgotten my love for blogging, and not because I been having fun this summer. NO ! This summer has been a total piece of GARBAGE ! I expected this summer to be fun and enjoyable, but it was not. I am totally disappointed with it. I spent it working a Gotham Photography, under the sun, dealing with rude people, phoniness, and a whole bunch of bullshit. Not to mention I have a HORRIBLE uneven tan. I was happy at first thinking I would spend time doing fun things and going places, but I was wrong. I don't even remember what the beach or pool looks like. I feel like its kind of my fault that I didn't take the time to do that, but my days off I spent it sleeping or going to doctors appointments. I have been thinking about quitting the job, but I am waiting on getting another job before I do it. So possibly in the next two weeks or so.

School is starting also in about a week and I am ready for that. I was so proud of my self last semester for my grades. I am ready to knock this one off too. I have two more semester to go and I hope I finish because .................

SURPRISEEEEEEEE ! I am expecting a baby. I am 14 weeks so far I am due on February 23rd, 2014. I would be blogging more about my pregnancy through out the week. I am excited, but not everyone knows, but I thought I would post it on my blog first. I am happy and scared of becoming a mother. I don't know if I'm ready for it, but hopefully with time I am. I am still in shock and amazed that I have life growing inside of me. In four week I will find out the gender of the baby, that's what I am most excited for. I am hoping for a boy, but I will be happy with what ever God gives me.

June

Fist day back on the blog, after the massive "Blog Every Day In May". I started June off with a hair cut. YES thats right, I cut off my hair, about 10-12 inches. I decided to go natural and cut off all the heat damage I had. I feel different and I LOVE it. I did an asymmetrical cut and I might blow it out for the last time in a long time soon, just to see how it looks. What I really need is a Devachan Hair Salon appointment, but their prices are off the earth. Just one hair cut can average from $100- $200, that's a bit too pricey for my budget, especially just to spend on my hair but its worth it all. As soon as the heat damage was off, my hair curled up right away. I guess the heat damaged ends were weighting down my hair.

Saturday I started a new job at Gotham Photography. Yes, thats right, I am a "photographer" not professional, but I will be soon. Anyone who knows me know that photography is my passion, it ruins in my veins, I live, eat, breathe photography. God has chosen the right moment to give me this opportunity. I have been looking for a job for the past 6 months, and BAM right in my face was this job. I am so excited about it, I have meet some pretty awesome people there, and I feel like I am going to grow with them. Im probably the only amateur one out of all, well, no amateur but the one with least experience. I have checked out 3 of my co-workers photography and they are AMAZING (IN ALL CAPS).  I am thankful to have gotten this opportunity, it came right on time when I needed it. I've been shooting film for the past 3 month, I haven't seen any of my results yet but this week I shall develop some of the films I already shot. Its a bitter sweet feeling because i know I got some good shots, I'm just scared it too over exposed or underexposed. I would be posting the results up next week coming up.

I usually do monthly goals, but to be honest I haven't really thought of any goals yet, except WORK WORK WORK. I'm probably going to call my new job second home real soon. I swear I will take all the hours they give me, if not EXTRA. Not just for the money, but because I really enjoy it.

Vivid Memory: Meeting Howard

I swear , I would would never forget the day I met Howard. I remember it like it was yesterday.

March 20th, 2012 around 1pm-ish, I was walking out the train station on the Grand Concourse. I had just came from shopping at Time Square, I was heading to my grandmothers house to get my social security card cause my job at the time was asking for it.

As I was walking there was a group of guy, just hang out under the scaffold. I freak out when I walk by a group of guys. I don't know why , I just HATE IT ! I passed by semi-speed walking and there was just one guy who stood out the most. He was wearing a white tee, I believe cargo shorts, black sneaker and Gucci shades. I took a quick glance at him and I swear I feel in love with his smile. He asked me if I wanted him to hold my bags. I smile at him and giggled a lil. In my head I was actually say "YESS ! , hold my bags". I continued walking.

After I left my grandmothers house I had the choice to walk to the other train station or walk back to the train station I came from. I chose to walk to the train station I came from. I kinda wanted to look at him one more time, because his smile was SOO perfect, it wasn't really my intention, but w.e I had to see him once more. And when I walked back, he smiled at me again and asked to hold my bags. I of course said no thanks, giggle, and kept on walking, in a slow pace...pretending to look through my phone. And right before I turned the corner, he was right behind me. I looked at him like "OH MY". He asked me a couple of time for my number, and I kept on saying no, I don't give my number to random guys...But what the heck, I did anyway. I literally couldnt stop thinking about him on the train ride to work. And I wonder if he was ever going to text or call me.. and that same night he did. We spoke for 4 hours on the phone. LOL. YES 4 hours, getting to know each other. And from that day on I knew i was going to have this guy in my life.

I dont know what it was about him, his smile, his voice, IDK .. I just feel in love with him. It was love at first sight , even though he has sunglasses on LOL. But I felt the connection right through him.

And here we are, one year later. TOGETHER. IN LOVE. HAPPY. We have had tough time, arguments, ups and downs, but he has never left my side. I love him with all my heart and I swear I fall in love with him every single day.

Summer 2012

First date 

Spring 2013

Letting Go. BE FREE

Letting something go has to be the hardest thing. Once you get accustomed/adjusted/use to something its hard to see your self with out it. For me letting go is like taking a piece of me. But I have learned to let things go and not get attached to it. I have learned to let go of everything in my life, even the things that mean and matter the most to me. Before I learned to let go, I always thought about, what would I have left, and how lonely I would. No connections, no attachments, no friend or family. Just me. I cant lie I am still working on "letting go". I have been somewhat monastic lately and I cant lie its hard to detach yourself from things you been holding on to all your life. But I have discovered how free I feel. I have also witness  the peace and tranquility with acceptance and loving to everything. I'm not looking to be a monk or a nun, but I have notice that monks and nuns seem to have so much joy, peace and compassion. Yet every single one of them has chosen to let go of everything. They have chosen to get go of possessions because is not love and attachment causes suffering.  

Notice how after a break-up you may feel lost, lonely and all these negative feelings inside of you. That's because you were probably attached and dedicated so much to that person, that it hurts now that they are gone. And this is TOTALLY NORMAL ! Every human being has feeling towards something. And also notice that after a while with out being with that person you tend to forget about the pain and suffering you went through and you start living life and feeling a bit more freedom. 

( Here is the link to a post I wrote similar to this : Click HERE ! )

One way of letting go is to forgive yourself. Everything that you've done in your life up until this moment, you had to do. The proof of this is that you did it! The fact that we can’t erase the past says something to us. We are called on to forgive ourselves, to honor what is past, to love and respect it. Look back and say, “That’s what I needed to do, that’s the person I needed to be at that time in my life. I did that, and I’ve learned from it. Now I can move on.”

Let go of frustration with your life and yourself. Cry it out. YES ! If you have to cry, CRY ! If you have to step outside and yell at the world DO IT ! Make your self feel freedom. STOP DWELLING ON THING YOU CANT EVER CHANGE. Live the moment that it happening now because its all you will ever get. Let go of built up anger, because you aren't hurting anyone but yourself. Everything you have been through is an experience for the better you in the future. Accept yourself for who you are. Don't change for anything in this world. Its not an easy thing to wake up one day and decide to let go of something, it takes time. But first remember that YOU are more important, and YOUR feelings and happiness matter more. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. 

When we all leave this earth, we leave with NOTHING. The house,cars, jewelry..ect will stay here. When you leave this earth you leave with the same thing you came with, NOTHING. So why stress over material things and people who give you a hard time ? Just simply wake up and realize that we are not just human being experiencing the earth, We are a SOUL/SPIRIT in a human form experiencing the earth.

Think of "letting go" as a way to be thankful and accepting the experiences that made you laugh, cry, and help you learn and grow. At times is also good to distance yourself for a while in order to gain some clarity on a situation. Take a break and explore something else for a certain amount of time. When you distance yourself from something, you return to where you started with a different point of view. 

Remember that YOU are in full control of your life, AND YOU decide where you want to head. If you want to let go and move on , you are the only person that can make it happen. REMEMBER YOU ARE WHAT MATTERS. Focus on what today has for you, negative experiences in the past do not have anything to do with your future. Once you let go YOU ARE FREE ! Free to be who you want, free to make yourself happy, free to do WHATEVER ! 

THE PAST CAN NOT BE CHANGED ! LET GO AND MOVE ON !!!

Motivational Song

I listen to this song everytime I feel like I'm down.. It reminds me to not give up... JUST KEEP BREATHING

OLD PICTURES I FOUND ON MY PHOTOBUCKET

These picture are from 3 years ago !