Struggles

I don't even know where to start, because right now I am thinking about 1,000 other things instead of today's prompt : Day 20, Monday: Get real. Share something you're struggling with right now. And today is the perfect day to blog about what I am struggling right now.

As you may notice I missed yesterdays prompt. I had it in mind, but I was having a rough day and my mind was all over the place. I literally did not get up from bed yesterday. But here it goes , Day 19: 5 of my favorite blogs and what I love about them :

• So Shay
• Story of My Life
• The Daily Tay
• Uni The Peach
• Because Shanna Said So

These are my top 5 favorite blogs. They are actually the first blogs I started reading and these are the blogs I keep up with the most. These wonderful ladies inspire me so much.

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I blogged about my hyperthyroidism 2 days ago. And today I'm going to be blogging about my chronic condition of Hypothyroidism. Which is my DAILY STRUGGLE. My thyroid became "hypo" about 4 years ago after I went under radiation treatment to burn out my thyroid gland. If you would like to learn more about Hypothyroidism click here . I recently started taking Levothyroxine which is suppose to level out my hormone levels. I've been on it for the past 5 weeks and I have to say this medication has been my BIGGEST STRUGGLE EVER ! After 2 years without medication (because of my stupid health insurance) my body is still trying to figure out this crap. Its hard to explain what I am going through and what I feel to anyone who asks. I honestly feel worst then ever. I've tried to explain this to my doctor but all she says its normal. NO IT'S NOT NORMAL TO FEEL THE WAY I FEEL !  I'm struggling with severe mood changes, hair loss, small hives, muscle weakness, low energy, quivering, and anxiety. I have to deal with this everyday, not knowing which side effect want to take charge of the day. I feel like no one really understands my conditions. The sad thing is I have to drink these pills for the rest of my life and I have a high risk of infertility. I've been drinking pills since I was 7 years old and I swear to god, I AM TIRED OF IT !

Another thing I have been struggling with is my trauma. Last November (2012) a man tried to sexually assault me and rob me (I don't want to get into much details about that) After that experience I have been terrified of walking near men, or even being near men. I always feel like who ever looks and stares at me is trying to hurt me. I know its a bad thing because not everyone is the same, but I just cant help it. Every time I look back and I see a man walking behind me for more than 2 blocks i start to panic.

Today on my way to the doctor, I was almost near the last stop of the bus and I notice I was the only girl on the bus and there was 6 men on there too. I immediately got in a shock mode and started to panic. My stop was the next stop, but it felt like forever and a day to get there. So many things were going through my head and I rushed to the back door and prayed it opened quickly. I have been considering trying to find some help, even though it was offered to me in the beginning and I felt like I could of dealt with it on my own, but I was wrong. This is something that I struggle with everyday and I need help soon.

Being Diagnose with Hypothyroidism

When I was about 7 years old I was diagnosed with Hyper Hypothyroidism  I did not understand what it was, or what it went, or what it was doing to my body. I use to watch my mom cry every day because it was so chronic I couldn't walk because my joints were hurting so much. I remember that it was the first time I ever took a pill. I couldn't swallow it and that bitter taste in my mouth was AWFUL ! even thinking about it I can taste it in my mouth. The side effects were the worst. There were day when I couldn't get up from bed to go to school, I was sooo skinny my rib cage were showing and people would ask my mom why I was so thin. There was a lady who asked me once if my mom feeds me, and i just didn't know who to answer. I use to get random trembles, I would have ridiculous mood swings, and I believe during this time was when I first thought about suicide. I hated my self a bit. I didn't understand what was happening to my body or what I was going through. All I knew was that I was going to be like this for the rest of my life. 

Favorite Photo

I didn't really know what photo to choose for today's prompt because I love all my pictures. I am very photogenic and that's one of the things I love about myself. But I chose this one because this was a time in my life when I was fit and happy with myself. I was 18 years old here. My life was AWESOME. I also love how my body looks. My make-up was very nice, that was when I was all into make-up and I had a beauty channel on YouTube. I need to get this shape back ! ASAP ! 

"lot in life"

I really have no difficulties in my life right now. I don't have a perfect family, but I am blessed to have a loving mother, a roof over my head, I don't starve, my few friends are AWESOME, I'm in love... what more can I ask for ? I am pretty content with everything in my life. I don't have it all or the "best" but I am grateful for everything.

A Day in My Life

It's 7:00 pm and my day has literally ended. Yes, this early I am done with my daily routine. People think that because I live in NYC my life is busy... well this time of the year is not. Until next month, when I start going out a little bit more and it gets warmer. I am currently a full time student, I am unemployed and I live at home with my mom. I usually don't do much during the day besides go to school. I am hoping with in the next few week my routine will change. But for now this is a day in my life :

(excuse the low quality photos, my phone is horrible with pictures) 

My day doesn't usually start until 12:00 pm .. I know what your thinking "Oh that's the good life" Yea it kinda is for now :) I wake up.. brush my teeth, make my self a nice lil breakfast. Today I had a Cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese and carrot juice

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 12:30ish I do my May work-out challenge

Around 1:15pm : I start showering and getting my stuff ready for class. 

2:25 pm I start walking to the train station which is 5 blocks away from my house. I'm usually on the train by 2:35 pm. I rely on the MTA to take me everywhere, so I have to put up with delays, sick passengers  bible preachers, crying babies, and people begging for money. I usually just close my eyes and meditate for a bit. 

2:50 pm, I arrive at my stop. At time time the trains are crowed with kids coming out of school. Lucky I don't have to ride the crowed train. My class starts at 3:00 pm all the way until 6:00pm. I avoid rush hour while I am in class. 

6:45ish I am usually home. I get comfy, have a small snack and do the usual : Check my email, twitter, tumblr, instagram...ect. AND of course do my Blog Every Day In May Challenge. 

I spend the rest of the evening reading blogs, and just surfing the web. 

 9:00 pm I go to my room, read or study a bit, talk on the phone, do my nail, hair.. or whatever I have to do. 

I don't watch TV, much but I watch the Shaytards EVER SINGLE DAY , for the past 4 years. I have never missed a video, EVER ! YouTube is basically my "TV" 

The rest of my night (10:00pm - 1:00am) consist of YouTube, late dinner/snacks, reading and doing random stuff.

YUP... That's A DAY IN MY LIFE..

Not very interesting or fun, but I appreciate everything I have. Thank God I wake up everyday, able to breath, walk, talk, see, eat and ect, because not everyone has a chance to wake up the next morning. I am grateful for everything I have. 

ENJOY THE REST OF YOUR DAY LOVEY'S 

10 things that make me HAPPY ! :)

1. My Boyfriend Howard. 

2. Taking Photos. Photography is my Passion. 

3. The Shaytards, because when ever I feel down I can count on the to make me happy.

4. When my room is clean and smelling fresh 

5. Books

6. My dog Nina

7. Shopping for new clothes

8.Rain

9. Making other people happy

10. MONEY $$$$

GWB

I took these two photo 2 years ago. I am still in love with them !